“Slots”

“He’s just a shitty businessman.” | “She married up.” | “He’s a kid; give him a break.” | “I bet he doesn’t speak English.” | “I’m an entrepreneur.” | “We’re working-class Americans who want our country back.” | “Family-oriented.” | “Monogamous.” | “Like serial monogamist.” | “I’m poly.” | “Dyke.” | “Faggot.” | “As, Christians, we believe . . .” | “Jews are cheap.” | “Young professionals are gentrifying the neighborhood.” | “Millennial are the worst.” | “Handouts.” | “Well, they have silver spoons.” | “There are so many homeless people in Penn Station; it’s gross.” | “His family’s no good; what do you expect . . .” | “Fucking junkies.” | “Flake.” | “Apartment supers are weird; they shoot up in the basement.” | “Couldn’t deal; I’m a New Yorker.” | “Aren’t you like . . . forty?” | “He’s so different on social . . .” | “Guys don’t respect her, because she fucks everybody.” | “Prude.” | “Swipe left.” | “Fat people . . .” | “Refugee.” | “Libs. | “Black man.” | “She’s Russian; Russians are cold . . .” | “She was always the go-getter, my son . . . not so much.” | “The Elite.” | “There’s the 1 percent, and the rest of us.” | “We run a gypsy brewery.” | “Enlightenment.” | “I practice mindfulness.” | “Tasker.” | “So what do you do?” | “What are you going to do? Pump gas?” | “Get a job.” | “Get a real job. | “Follow your dreams.” | “Dreamer.” | “He’s like a Peter Pan.” | “True creatives.” | “Take responsibility.” | “Take risks; you play it safe.” | “We need someone aggressive.” | “Pussy.” | “Bully.” | “Narcissist.” | “Fucking loser with no self-esteem.” | “You could never handle it.” | “She could never do your job.” | “I think he’s bipolar.” | “Well, you need to find your slot.” | “So what are you?” | “I can’t figure you out . . .”

—Bernadette Malavarca